As the full moon grows, I can feel it pulling on me.
I feel my brain being pulled slightly out of my head. The space there where it’s being pulled leaves a vacuum and in that vacuum there is a holy space. And into that holy space, a higher power flows. With no mass or height or weight, only spirit - not even light. The brain is leaving me and in its place this vacuum is created and this vacuum naturally pulls spirit towards it and I am filled, not by my own doing, but by the force of the moon.
I am filled and refilled by moon power. The vacuum moves all of the stuck parts in me, the places that have been holding on - these are all sucked and shifted and cracked to let the spirit flow free again: up through the channels in my body, between blood and bone, up through the cracks by spiritual capillary action, into this space, this holy space that floats around my brain which is, of course, still being pulled away by the moon.
All the brain parts are stretching - it’s like a hot yoga class for my myelin sheath - my brain is being wrung out by the power of the moon - this constant, loving, insisting force, pulling up on my brain and even my eyes which feel floaty and tight and blurry from the pulling, and this swirling nothing that’s created all around my brain but especially the back of my brain, now there is space there
There is nothing for me to do but just let it happen. And be gentle to this poor physical human body which aches and protests and doesn’t want to feel strange new uncomfortable feelings. the heaviness of this brain pull is so strange but if I can just breathe and do nothing, for once - just breathe and do nothing for one goddamn minute - if I can just breathe and let this thing happen and let all this space really fill up with the spirit that I have been so lonely for, so desperate for, so longing for so long for -
If I can just stay in this heavy-weird-pulling-floating-unplugging-new-makes-no-sense place,
And also tell my body that it’s an ok space,
Then the space can do it’s space thing, which is all the moon ever really wanted from me in the first place.
Sarah Elovich is a writer and performer based in Oakland, CA.