Whether I'm able to see the gifts they left behind or not, they're still in my life. Most of them helped me become more discerning. Okay, judgemental is really the word. But some of them opened my heart. I'll tell you one thing I got from looking at that string of men I don't deal with anymore: I confuse love for pity. Yeah. When they're really pathetic, when they don't have their shit together, somehow I feel better about myself, and this feeling good about myself approximates love somehow. Like a flashlight approximates a sunrise.
Sarah Elovich is a writer and performer based in Oakland, CA.