I have big hands. They aren’t ugly, I don’t think, they’re just larger than most women’s hands. I have long, thin fingers, and really healthy nails that I usually don’t paint, except for special occasions or when I’m really pissed off. Usually the two coincide, actually. Anyway, when my nails are long, I like to paint them light pink or get a French manicure. When they’re short, I like to paint them crazy colors. I remember when robin’s egg blue was a big nailcolor. Most people think of the OJ Simpson trial or Monica Lewinsky when they think of 1996. I think of Chanel’s first blue nail polish.
I like dark color, too. Like black. I did that for a while until I noticed the celebrities were into black polish. Ok, so now you’re wondering why I’m wearing black nail polish right now. I have to explain. This isn’t black. This is two layers of purple with bright magenta on top. If you get up close and look at it from the side, if it’s backlit, you can see a really cool pinky purply liquidy thing going on. Like those cars with twenty layers of paint on them. I wanted it to be more streaky and uneven, but the lady at the nailshop was really unhappy about how it looked. She kept shaking her head and finally just wiped them all clean, just removed all the paint on this whole hand, without asking! She has tiny, delicate hands and I could fit about seven of her pinky finger nails in mine. So I guess she thinks that she knows a thing or two about beautiful nails. I just thought the streaks looked good, you know, an undercoat of purple with the pink on top. It was variegated, like an orchid or something. But she said, “ugly, no good!” It's difficult to argue with someone with such tiny, beautiful nails.
Sarah Elovich is a writer, performer and humorist based in Oakland, CA.