"How do I know who or what my Higher Power is?"
Well... I don't know my Higher Power with my brain or my intellectual, rational mind. My knowing is something other than my thinking, rat-wheel mind. How I know my Higher Power has come through feelings - the wonder at looking at a sky full of stars, the joy of laughing with friends and fellows, the grief of deeply acknowledging a loss, the peace that washes over me when I meditate.
I know my Higher Power by discovering what it is not - it is not my mother or a lover or money or the fantasy of a "perfect life". My Higher Power is not my "best thinking", which often has a feeling of urgency, of needing things my way, of holding on or manipulating. My Higher Power is not separate from what is, and so getting present and sitting with what is helps me connect with my Higher Power.
My Higher Power is allowing, trusting, and loving. My Higher Power has a plan beyond what I can see or even imagine. Nowadays, I think of my Higher Power as a path in the woods. Although I cannot see where it is going or what is around the next curve, I do my part and keep putting one foot in front of the next, noticing what is around me and staying present so that I can enjoy what I can along the journey, and learn as I go how to keep going.
Sarah Elovich is a writer and performer based in Oakland, CA.