Ladies, are you tired of using the same excuse over and over again?
(Age appropriate guy with a job and no visible wedding ring) "Listen, I'd love to keep talking to you. Can I get your number and hit you up sometime?"
(Me) "Oh, I'm taking a break from dating to work on myself. I'm flattered, really, but I'm not available."
All of your prayers have been answered! Now, you can contract a skin disease that was previously available only for the elderly!
And it's advantageous - for excusing yourself from all kinds of *intimate* encounters!
It's SHINGLES for SINGLES!
Yes, shingles, the painful and mysterious viral infection related to chicken pox (Eww!) and herpes (Gasp!) now comes in a convenient, easily contracted form that even the most vivacious of thirty-something year olds can acquire!
Shingles for Singles makes you feel years older than you are - even DECADES older!
(Me) "I always knew I was an old soul - now I FEEL old, too! Plus I have the perfect excuse to hole up and avoid all social interactions!"
Scratch now, itch for months, and let that burning sensation linger for YEARS! Contract Shingles for Singles today!
Sarah Elovich is a writer, performer and humorist based in Oakland, CA.